сейчас пять утра, скоро начнёт светать
я снова плачу, потому что мы так славно сидели в пять утра, пили ликёр и говорили обо всём на свете
я тогда знала точно, как сильно я тебя люблю, пока ты говорил мне, чем же "Вестберлин" отличается от "The Birthday Party"
и потом мы устроили свой маленький "Вестберлин", и для таких вечеров действительно стоит жить порой
вот это похоже на настоящее бескрайнее неиспорченное ничем счастье, neat happiness
мне кажется, я бы могла разрушить всё, чтобы создать место, где мы строили бы свою общую жизнь
Platz shaffen
you must destroy to build
но я беспомощна
будь со мной, пока мы не можем быть вместе, будь со мной, будь со мной, будь со мной, будь со мной
не оставляй меня никогда, мы слишком часто оставляем друг друга, не нужно меня больше оставлять
no more shall we part - когда уже наконец?
кто же кроме тебя поймёт всю глубину моего отчаяния?
уже почти-почти светает
мне больно оставаться, мне больно ложиться, мне кажется, от меня отрезали так много важного, что ничего по сути и не осталось
когда я плачу, я такая некрасивая
помни меня совсем другой

sorry it's in Russian, but my russian journal doesn't work and i could not leave this unsaid.
my love, oh how i miss you.

visited two Neubauten concerts - in Moscow and StPetersburg.
oh my.
spoke with Unruh, Ash and Rudi.
i'm a member of Rudi Moser's Fan Club now. he is sweet. he is sexy. he is omg. and he wished us a safe trip and took a photo of me smiling. oh my, i was smiling like an idiot.
and Blixa. Blixa is a god. i'm almost glad we didn't speak to him or take photos. it'd have broken the divine - don't remember the word, but you'd understand me.
i was speaking to them the whole hour. omg omg omg.
i'm the happiest fan girl ever.

feel like entering a fic challenge in the bad seeds' slash community.
damn, i can't write in english, i know it for sure.
just give it a try, Nick, says the moon.

i am the best friend ever, aren't i, for i never post anything.

i'll see Blixa in two weeks. the real Blixa. not that young i guess.
i'm sad (i always am when i post here, strange, isn't it)

i hate writing the pronoun i with the capital letter - too much German for now with its kleines ich.
fuck me Blixa.
and by the way fuck tomorrow's english lesson. i'm fed up with these langweiligen musings of an old stupid hag.
fuck me Blixa right now just do it.

i need something to be changed. i want something to be changed.
i'll dye my hair blue once again on saturday - it's high time i did something.
fuck me fuck me fuck me.

some slash, i need some slash, nc17, rape, please would you be so kind as to rape Blixa for me just as if it were me just as if i had that damned dick.

some water.
some bridge.

open everything once again, we're coming.
are you coming, dear?
oh fuck you.

Everything goes on as it should, though i wish i had less to do or at least more inclination to do it. The Arbeit - it's Methods now, i hate it, have always, nothing new. My English is dying, thanx university, i'm a teacher though, aren't i?
Blue nail polish seems obsolete, blue hair seems impossible, why not try once again, i love Neubauten sooo happy birthday.

tausend tote Tiere mitten im Kopf.

and yes i hate lj and write in diary but one should have it if one wants to make friends

Where the hell is nixa??? waaaaaaaaaaaa bring it back!!!
*upset*
I'm cold, everyone's dying, I hate LJ and the diary is going to repeat its way of glory. Sad (((
All I think about is the EN concert, the theory of translation and The Stupid Fucking Course Paper.
I cant' I simply can't. Not able.
*desperately trying not to forget the English language*
It's much better with German than with English nowadays. Guess it's high time they added some English classes! Otherwise we won't be able to pass our State examenations (or I don't know how to call it)

Sad, everything is sad, everyone is cold.

Had a sudden urge to post here.
Yet didn't know what to post.
University sucks, the new course paper sucks, work sucks, I suck as well, or at least so it seems.
Nick-the-toy still has no shirt.
Yesterday I was listening to the Nixa live version of Wild Roses for an hour or two. It's perfect.
And yes, AWO sucks also, though it's EN and I love it before I even have listened to it.

Well, I've come back from Novosibirsk - the city of freaks and heavy smokers - and am quite happy to be here again. The school practice (fucking last!!!) is approaching and I also have to work out the things with my degree work (it's got to be based on Nick Cave's texts for there's no chance of writing about Blixa's metaphors, for the stupid old hags from the Chair of Germanic languages don't allow English-German students to have one of them as the supervisor).

It's not that I feel like teaching the kids once again, but it gives comfort to know it's the last time I work at school.
NIE WIEDER!!!

Before the practice starts I should make another dress and (finally) make a shirt for Nick-the-doll. Anyway, Blixa-the-doll is no more there for him. Fuck. The boys are so far away so close and so are we. I feel lonely and sad ohne dich.

The stupid WinAMP doesn't work. Damn it!

Had a dream about h_i_k_a_r_i_123 last night. Quite unusual, quite amusing.

It's not that I don't think about Blixa anymore (seems like I do think of him - even more often), but I've just lost the inclination to write in English for some time. Haven't been speaking it for months, it's only German (omfg I lov it). I guess I should be diligent even though there's no exam this year.

The stupid brother has made a bad thing to my HDD, trying to exchange it for a 120Gb-one. Anyway, now it's gone (for the fucking second time, damn V_V) together with all the Blixa-videos and Mr. Cave's songs. Hate it.

Shoud go and write the essay now, sob.

Haven't been writing here for an eternity. Well, just didn't feel like. My other, native language, journal is full of stupid entries and here... I can't write all that stuff: I'm sad, I'm ill, I have got an excellent mark in German.
Sucks. I am ill after all. But it's not the school, where you could skip from lessons because of having caught cold. Tomorrow I have two German lessons, a Homereading and omg Himmel über Berlin, the only thing, worauf ich mich freue.
But well, it's good news about The Course Paper.
I feel my head is boiling and my brain is rotting just inside it, filled with slime.

I absolutely agree with the guys!

Ich bin die umstürzlerische Liebe.

I'm back from the horrendous Novokuznetsk The Town Without Showers!
Squeeeeeeee, so good to be home again.
So unusual and good to be alone again.
The soundcard is dead. No Neubauten until we get a new one.
There's a coffee machine in the kitchen. Pity I drink no coffee at all. But is there any song sleeping in it?

The people in the train were so afraid when they saw me waiting for the toilet to be free and rocking my head, stamping my feet and snapping my fingers keeping time with the sound of the train moving. EN could write a great song using this sound, it's awesome.

Squeeeeeee, I have watched the webcast! Isn't it just awesome? Though not quite sure how much I would pay for the pleasure.
But Blixa surely looks nice and kinda thinner. Love him incredibly. Andrew is also sweet showing his finger to everyone. And Rudi the Raindeer is sexy as death...
But i guess I love Hacke best (but for Blixa). For that hoarse 'fadenscheinig' and long hair and omg-how-fat-this-man-is.
That Erin woman is soooooo stylish... erm... if that was her.
Maybe not - maybe.

I desperately envy the way he treats his body.
He just feels ok about it.
I'd never be able, I'd never be able.

Was listening to Mark Almond yesterday. Boy, isn't it a pleasure to hear some English pronunciation (in contrast to Australian and German English, he-he)? He's got quite a nice voice and I feel like listening to some more records of his.

Current book: 'The Death of Achilles'. Frankly speaking I've got to read another Fandorin mystery for The Course Paper (omg omg omg), but I've read 'Turkish gambit' thrice already, that's why I'm somehow out of humour. Anyway they said I could hand the bloody paper in after the May holidays (and after the Novokuznetsk trip as well, yeah!).

Nichts Neues about Blixa but for the photos of him and webby. Well, it's inhumane, I think, to marry such girl instead of living with Nick somebody much better. But, erm, you slashers always have this sort of ideas.

And, well, these feet are oh-so-cute!

Spent an hour desperately trying to sew a small red shirt for Nick-the-doll. No success. Weeeeeeeell, fuck it then.
Now I am going to remake Evgeny's chest for he looks loke a disabled person if compared with Nick. There're some strange lumps in his left axilla. Poor boy. And - heh - his cassock makes a good coat for Nick - until he recieves a shirt and vest and all that stuff.
OMG, Nick the Stripper he may seem, in this coat %)

After seeing all the cute Blixa pics in the nixa I don't feel like writing sad slashy threesome story. Why not start the course paper at last? %)))

And - wow! - the snow is melting!!! The spring is coming!

I start laughing at the nixa pics.
OMG, need some good example of heterosexual relations, but even the Moose is gonna live with some lesbians after graduating.
Almond tries to ruin my brain. Get the fucking out.
Need some cabbage salad.

After Blixa's delicate tender caresses, after his sweet deep long kisses, after the slightly indecent voluptuousness of his soft German whispering, after Sabrina all in all - Rammstein seems a rape.